Harry 
title
(light upbeat music) (beeps) – [Amanda] Do you often find yourself being taken advantage of? Perhaps you're often talked down to and treated as less than. Sometimes people can be
harsh and judgmental. And you may feel as if they
don't hold any respect for you. (chuckles) It's not always nice to hang around those who don't value you. So, if given the chance, it may be best to simply walk away, and say good riddance. But, if you find you're always
being subtly treated this way maybe you'd like to adopt some
behaviors to gain respect. You can still be you. You just simply respect yourself enough, to not let others walk all over you. Sound like a plan? Okay. Here are six ways to get
people to respect you. Number one, respect yourself first.
We should all learn to love ourselves. And in doing so, give us the respect we deserve. Often at times we can be
too harsh on ourselves, and let our insecurities and
dark thoughts take the lead. But do away with them. With a little practice self-respect, you can be on your way to
thinking higher of yourself and loving you in the process. Many researchers, such
as Herbert M.
Lefcourt, state that having a sense of
internal locus of control, over our own lives, is a key condition for our mental health. Locus of control, refers to how much someone
feels a sense of agency towards their life. Someone with an internal locus of control believes the things that happened to them are strongly influenced
by their own actions, abilities or mistakes. To practice self-respect, you must first allow yourself to say no, without feeling guilty. Prioritize what is important in your life. Protect yourself. And choose to keep only
healthy relationships. It's key to not let others
take advantage of you. And make sure you get
what you pay for in life. So if you're at an ice cream stand, and you paid for two scoops of ice cream, and only received one, instead of brushing it off, simply ask that you receive
that extra chocolate scoop, and don't feel guilty about it. It's just ice cream, and you're hungry. Your priority right now is
to satisfy your appetite. And guess what? Ice cream is the way. Two scoops please. Furthermore, it's important to know you can create your own happiness, not just others.
This is a form of self-respect as well. So go ahead and enjoy those two scoops. You respect yourself too
much to not appreciate them and you. Number two, set clear boundaries. It's important to set boundaries
for ourselves and others. Let's say your friend often
comes over to your house for movie night. You love and care for your friend. But they aren't the
most respectful guests. They put their feet up
on your coffee table. They bring their dog fleas over. They eat most of your food and they leave Cheeto Puff remains on your furniture, everywhere. Do they respect you? It doesn't look like it. A good step would be
to set some boundaries for when company comes over. And discuss them with your dear friend. You can be kind when
discussing this with them and consider their point of view as well. But it's your home, and it's ultimately your rules.
So tell them they can't keep
scavenging through your fridge. Fleas must be on a leash, and to keep their cheese-filled
hands to themselves. Not on the furniture. And pause off the table, fleas. Number three, understand you don't have
to be nice all the time. Who wouldn't wanna be
nice when they want to? But when you feel like you have to, at the expense of your own happiness, it's not a good idea. Sadly, a lot of people think, they can take advantage of
those who are kind to them. This doesn't mean you have
to stop being a good person. Just simply know when you
must put yourself first, and also don't feel guilty
about it all the time.
You may think that if you don't do every favor your friend asks of you, they might not like you anymore. But what kind of friend is that? You may feel guilty if you don't accept
your friend's invitation to hang out every time. But you just got snuggled
into a bubble bath. You just like to be alone tonight. Perhaps you don't allow
yourself to not smile. So you throw on a contrived smile before you go out the door, even when you're having a bad day, as great as smiling feels. A forced smile can't always
make you feel better.
Allow yourself to admit
you're having a bad day. You don't need to be in a
certain mood for anyone. Allowing unnecessary guilt to take control can leave you associating
these one's happy actions with something forced and uncomfortable. Practice assuring yourself, that if you allow yourself, the guilt free time to relax first, you'll only feel happier when the time comes to hang
out with your friend next. Number four, speak up. Many of us often have shy personalities. So doing all the talking
during a group conversation may not be our thing. But just because you're shy, doesn't mean you should
let others interrupt you. If others often interrupt you, or appear as if they aren't listening, there's some tricks you can
use to make yourself heard. First, try saying the name of the person you're speaking to mid conversation. Similar to the cocktail party effect, we will often have our
attention pulled back to reality when our names are heard. Such as when we're at a cocktail party and here our name in the distance.
You know how your music teacher
would always say your name mid sentence to regain your attention? We're doing the same thing here. Another trick is to
often use hand gestures, and give an equal amount
of eye contact to everyone. Using hand gestures grabs attention, and strongly conveys your message. Eye contact. If someone was looking into
the depths of your soul, you'd be bound to notice. Just make sure you give everyone, equal amounts of eye contact. Maybe no soul staring today. Number five, don't over-apologize. Do you often find yourself apologizing for something that wasn't even your fault? It may just become habit to say, sorry when something goes wrong. You may only wanna say
it to not be unkind.
But your words should carry
weight, especially in apology. If you apologize too often, your sorry maybe viewed
as nothing to others who hear it too often. And unfortunately, over-apologizing can be a sign to others that you are submissive. Sooner or later, they'll assume, you'll be the one to take the blame. Or that you're too nice to speak up if they walk all over you.
Some common things we
unnecessarily apologize for. If you don't wanna do a
favor, don't apologize. It's a favor. If you have an opposing opinion, agree to disagree. It's your opinion. Stand by it. Remember, you don't have to be unkind. Say sorry, when sorry is do. But be conscious of how often and how unnecessarily you do say it. And number six, display confident body language. Confidence is key. And that's what people often say. And it can be very true most times. If you want to command respect, a good way is to let
your body language show, that you can't be pushed around. Quite literally too. Strong stance and good posture
won't send you toppling over if bumped into.
So, use good posture and stand up tall, make good eye contact when
listening and speaking. Crossing our arms is
often seem as defensive. So it's best to relax them by your side. Carry your head high and eyes forward, instead of looking to the ground. Observe the scene at a party, don't be afraid to people watch. And it's a party after all. And remember those hand gestures, continue to use them while speaking. And you'll be as confident and respected as an
Italian chef at a pizzeria. Mamma Mia. (chuckles) Sorry. Too much ice cream and pizza. Oops, not sorry. So, do you often feel disrespected? Will you use these tips? Do you say sorry, often? Let us know about a time
where you felt disrespected. Which tips would you use to
command the respect of others? Share with us in the comments below. If you found this video helpful, don't forget to click the like button, and share this video with
someone who may need it.
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